The Poetry Project


The Revolution is My Personfriend: Dismantling the Romance Myth with Dean Spade

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The cultural mythology around romance that many of us have been immersed in all our lives is a brutal and damaging one. This myth is reproduced by and backs up corporate media, diet and beauty industries, and the legal marriage system that determines things like who has healthcare, housing, and immigration status. Interpersonally, the romance myth is used to justify isolation, harmful behavior, and disposability. Many of us have experienced, in social movement and arts spaces, families and friend groups, people acting their worst when it comes to romantic and sexual connections. Many of us can identify that we show our worst behavior to people when we are under the influences of this myth. This lecture will offer a chance to unpack the romance myth's messages and harms, and to imagine alternative ways to relate to each other grounded in radical values of mutuality, accountability, community care, generosity, and abundance.

This event will take place virtually over Zoom. Registration through The Poetry Project's Eventbrite is required. Zoom links will be shared upon registration, one week before the event, and 24 hours before the event. In an effort to build and hold collective community, we ask that Zoom links not be shared. If you have any questions, have trouble accessing your Eventbrite account, or have trouble accessing Zoom after the event's listed start time, please contact Poetry Project staff directly at

The Poetry Project is committed to making our event programming inclusive and accessible for individuals with different experiences, and are continuously working to improve and expand upon accessibility measures. Our online broadcasts feature live transcription and are presented on broadcasts compatible with most screen readers. If you have a question about either of these resources, or an accessibility measure we haven't described, please contact us at

This program was funded in part by Humanities New York with support from the National Endowment for the Humanities. Any views, findings, conclusions or recommendations expressed in this program do not necessarily represent those of the National Endowment for the Humanities.