The Poetry Project

Holding Pattern

Emily Bark Brown

from “Darkness” by Lord Byron

conviviality as a way of getting away with it

my heart was on the dance floor, hisssing

padam padam

flower heart paper heart bright sun heart

i wanna see men who forget

swung my arms my heart swum

my idiot heart beating against the break

they did live by extinguished desire

some lay down by their playlists

and others crashed with mad wings

and twinned and crawled and men

thought the earth was hot they writhed

my heart went padam padam, stupidly

in love with being alive, my one idea

my ex girlfriend told me to stop saying it

my heart beats faster when famished of love

and a quick cry and a water and going out

to the dying air and shivering but pink

skin wet and pink and red sought out

the ships are sailorless the sailors are all here

rotting on the dance floor sticky stagnant

my heart is a lump but it struggles

the club is in chaos the sailors are doing

death drops and shots in the dark

a smear of lovely on a cheek

the wind can’t make it in the door

my heart is running out of luck

everyone in here has a twin

and they crawl toward each other

plastic music

my heart is swimming toward my ex

my head stays about the same more sane

nothing lifeless everyone is looking

for someone to behold and we hold ourselves

a shimmering mass of sweat hissing

out from our teeth

it was love the world was void

all stood still and they fell down on the beat

my heart was still beating

i brought my hands to my chest to check

and we mouthed the words while men our eyes caught

plastic music without a heart

we felt it

it was hot and unholy

we swayed the light got lighter

then extinguished

i breathed in sweat

it became a part of heart

the world was void

i avoided the past

the sailors gave each other flowers

they only have eyes for each other

in their whites and their teeth clink

like glass a hand on my heart a hand on

my ass as i sway mouthing the words

we were proud of what we made

i could see everything

unknowing who he was

i watched him get on his knees

we were all knees

their mutualness

their padam padam

it started as a joke then became holy

our words we used holy our hands

pressed our thighs between each others

i could feel your heartbeat in the highest part

of your inner thigh when i pressed my fingers

the powerful heat of being alive

did he glut himself with blood

the blood was practically the surface

i thought my teeth could break through anything

the roof of my mouth felt alive

i shivered immediate

we were all one thought and it was holy body

it was flushed with blood

which we understood was desire

everything was faithfully clear

the sailors kept the men at bay

they batted their hands

how were they not devoured

faithful to a man

they sought each others jaws

the girls kept a circle

suddenly everywhere was girls

each one a perpetual flower

licking their teeth an entire city of love

perpetual moan the crowd was enormous

and we held no enemies even the sailors

had renounced everything but their desire

they would steal the boats padam padam

and keep them for their fucking which fed them

passion cannot be sated but it is fun to try

and war was no more while we were there

we actually believed in utopia

it seemed possible but one thought

we forgot about death we gnashed our teeth

my heart was with blood

immediate and twinned and we clenched

our hands and faded as we liked

into each other’s face

and it was blazing

the blood lived on the surface

hour by hour

and all was black

the city we made with our bodies

and we were happy

the light would not touch us

with our hearts like that

extinguished but the men

forgot their passions in the

moonless air in the eternal holy

they came and went and came and went

and they were happy without desolation

and they did live

#278 – Fall 2024

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